Real Talk: Stop Letting Others Define You

On my Facebook page, I recently asked what you’d like to see in my next Real Talk post and I truly appreciate all the feedback I’ve received. I love that we can have a conversation about important topics on a place like social media, where needless to say there is a lot of not-so-helpful advice bouncing around. One such topic is how others define us, and its harmful effects. It’s hard to live our best lives when “best” is defined by someone else but luckily, it doesn’t need to be this way.

Real Talk: Letting People Define You | Tamera Mowry

It’s actually pretty empowering when you think about it – YOU are in control. That means that your happiness is independent of what another person thinks. If someone doesn’t reciprocate your feelings or take you seriously, it doesn’t make you any less good or worthy. What a relief to know that you can be anything you want, regardless of negative opinions and snap judgments, right?

When you make the decision not to let other people have this power to say who you are or who you should become you open the door to be able to do things according to your own beliefs. You can take your convictions and values and let those shape your identity rather than another person’s validation or approval. It’s natural to seek this approval from others – we all want to be liked, after all – but when you find that these opinions aren’t the ultimate decider, it’s very freeing.

Of course, people will always voice their opinions. Often times, the opinions that matter most to us come from those closest to us – like family and friends who think they have our best interests in mind. We value the opinions of these people and often seek out their advice. But remember that ultimately, the kind of mother, daughter, wife, friend… the list goes on… that you are, depends on you and your actions, not someone else and their comments.

If you stick to your values and stay true to the identity that you define, you will be able to focus on what’s important, and in the end be happier. You’ll be more confident when making decisions; you’ll feel less uncertain of the future. It doesn’t mean you don’t value what those people say, but it means you don’t let them make or break you.

Ultimately – judgment isn’t left up to any of us, anyway! I hope this inspires someone to let go of someone else’s definition of them today.


  • Pj

    Is this because people are bashing you and calling you a fake Christian based on your clothing and some of the things you support?

  • MimiM

    “When you make the decision not to let other people have this power to say who you are or who you should become you open the door to be able to do things according to your own beliefs.” Thank you so much for sharing this today. You are your best asset! xxx

  • Ina Turner

    Tamera, So much truth is this blog!! I thank God that I have never been a people Pleaser!! I love people and always try to be reasonable in trying to see their point of view,which sometime even include family!! But I never,never let their opinions or ideas change my values or convictions!! Especially when it comes to my marriage or raising Our children.
    I truly believe my Identity and Validations come from God and no amount of opinions or anything else people do or say can change that.
    Thanks again!!! I enjoyed this.

  • Shells

    You truly are a breath of inspiration, may God continue to bless you to inspire us all, God Chose you for a reason to inspire us all, and you are doing an amazing job. Thank you for your message Tamera.

  • lady j

    Get well soon Tamera!?? ? Yes,I agree. We are all individuals. What is good for me. Is not always good for you. Only you or I can truly decide with God’s help to choose what is best for us. I May give advice. But I am learning to allow my three adult daughters to do them. Learning to listen more or speak less. Family and friends will always have their opinions of who,what,why,when,where and how they believe we should be or have. We are all worthy. The only person we need to please is God.

  • Azaria

    Tamera this is so true. Thank you for sharing this with us.

  • Chelsea Charity

    Great post Tamera! I couldn’t agree more. Thank you for being such a wonderful example!


  • Nargis Zahra

    I completely agree with everything you wrote. Sometimes it’s hard to ignor the words and actions of people who are meant to protect you. I guess that’s just life, keep those that lift you up and let go of those that are dragging you down.
    God bless! ..

    Nargis -Z

  • Judith Power

    Thank you for having positive topics that deal with real issues that people struggle with. You are so humble and realistic. It helps keep you relate-able as so many other celebrities out there today seem so far away from our realities. You have really come into your own and I am so proud of you. You are probably just a year or two younger than I am so I have watched you grow and blossom over the years. Keep up the good work and never, ever change because you represent a real population of people out here that are similar to you and it truly makes a difference in our lives to see someone like you succeed in the ways that you have while remaining true to yourself and us. THANK YOU!!!!!