Real Talk: How I Build Self-Confidence

Tamera Mowry Self Condidence

A sense of self-confidence is not something I was born with. I had a wonderful and supportive family growing up, and that certainly played a huge role in developing my sense of self as a child. However, as an adult, I really had to come into my own to feel secure in my own skin.

Feeling confident was a conscious decision, and something that I learned to work at every day. We all want to feel proud of ourselves and secure in who we are, but I really believe that it takes work, and for me, faith, to get there. The turning point for me building a healthy sense of self came in my 20’s once I realized that I needed to stop comparing myself to others, and own and embrace who I was. I think that Oscar Wilde put it best: Be yourself everybody else is taken.”

Once I embraced the idea that I needed to be completely dedicated to being my own biggest cheerleader, and loving all parts of myself, I started tapping into the individual gifts that God had given me. I started to value my uniqueness and abilities, and truly believe in myself! This was when I felt a new sense of self-confidence that I had never experienced before.

Now I can’t say that I feel confident all the time (nobody does!), but I do continue to learn how to build my sense of self all the time. My faith helps me a lot. Knowing that God is with me always, every step of the way — Even when I fall, sway, or have insecurities, my faith is my biggest sense of comfort and strength.

I’m also always trying to grow and improve myself, which consistently builds my confidence. I think of new things that would make me happy or proud to achieve, and I just go for them! If I want to lose weight, I do it and commit to being healthier. If I want to feel pretty, I dress up, get my nails done, and let myself feel beautiful.  If I want to be a better actress, I take acting classes that challenge me. It’s like that old saying goes, nothing changes if nothing changes. I really believe that we have to keep challenging ourselves to find out what we are made of, and to feel proud of who we are.

It’s amazing how much better you can serve and love the people in your life when you have a strong sense of self. I am a much better wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend because I have a clear idea of who I am, and believe in who I am. It’s like how they tell you on an airplane ‘in case of emergency, secure your own oxygen mask before helping others’. The same principle applies to self-confidence and self-love — You have to love yourself first to be able to properly care for the people closest to you.

Because I know the value of learning to love yourself, and it has been such an important journey for me, I am very dedicated to setting a good example for my children. I know that my children will have to develop their own self-confidence, and learn how to love themselves, but I do what I can to help instill and inspire self-love in them. I watch what I say about myself around them, and I always tell them that they can do and be anything they want in life if they keep trying, learning and never give up.

I know that I’m not always going to be the perfect parent or wife, or always feel amazing about myself each day – that’s just life! We all have our moments of doubt, but I know that as long as I have my faith, and a close support system around me, I will be fine. Just remember that comparison is the thief of joy. Continue to focus on your God given gifts, and hone them, and your sense of self will continue to grow and strengthen!

How have you guys improved your sense of self confidence? Please comment below, I would love to know!


  • Jasmine

    What a great blog! Working on my self confidence too and I finally feel like I’m coming into my own at 29. Thanks for sharing! ♥️

  • MarissaTeachableMoments

    Thanks for sharing! For me, the first step is being more aware of my thoughts, as they tend to be self-fulfilling prophecies. These days, I’m all about positive thinking, which can be easier said than done at times.

  • lady j

    Well said! We are all different individuals and have separate journeys on this earth. Strive for a daily relationship with God more than anything else.

  • Johanna Martinez

    I like how God made me both physically and my personality. I just need help in maintaining that self – confidence after becoming over weight,nothing fits or lays well and fat rolls are always getting in the way. My hair not growing to the length it once was, and I can’t stand how it looks. My face is constantly getting pimples and i I always look tired from having two jobs and trying to maintain my relationships with my family. I’m not trying to be vain, but its extremely hard to be self-confident when you don’t feel good about how you look. My fiance gets annoyed that i have to take so many of the same picture because i always find something wrong with myself in them. I mainly see my chubby face and tired eyes. And i refuse to be one to wear makeup all the time or make up to cover whats truly underneath. I want to be self – confident NATURALLY. I do try to work out, its just tougher with my schedule. With the added stress of prepping for a wedding, its all working against me. I’ve already accepted that after waiting for this day for 28 years, I won’t be looking like I had hoped in the pictures, which really saddens me. But, yea, God has been using my fiance to help me become more self -confident through my complaints about becoming overweight, but of course I always feel like its bias lol

  • Dawn Kropp

    Thank you, Tamera! I needed this very reminder :)

  • Khadija Saeed

    ❤❤ Thank you Tamera!

  • Sonia L. Hunt

    Thank you so much for these kind and inspiring words. As a single parent of a child with special needs you always put your child before your needs. But, if you don’t take care of yourself then you will not be any good to your loved ones. Even though right now its tough for me, I know I have my family that can help me when I am sad and think that I have let my son down. But, I also know that GOD is with me every step of the way. Thank you again!!

  • Abigail

    I’ve never felt confident in myself but after reading ur message,I get that i won’t always feel my best. Thanks for the message. It’s so inspiring.

  • Mmabatho High-Goddess Hlophe

    Hi Tamera. I have to say that as someone who has followed your journey you keep inspiring me. My struggles with confidence began when I was very little. I still struggle though it is a different kind of confidence. I have been told I am smart and don’t realize it as I mostly compare my intellect with the next person (especially when they have more experience and expertise). That leaves me paralyzed at times.My lack of Intellectual confidence at work hinders my career. How can I overcome this?

  • Anae

    Love this Tamera :)

  • Nimo

    Hi Tamera
    Thanks so much for those inspiring words.
    I’ve always struggled with my confidence. There always seems to be someone better than me at every stage of life… I’ve never admitted it to anyone rather it’s been something I’ve had to deal with on my own. I know it hinders me from living my best life presently but I just can’t shake off the same destructive thoughts over the years.
    I am a believer but the truth that God has created me fearfully and wonderfully is one that I’ve had trouble embracing in my life. Felt good putting this out there.

  • Samantha Nkosi

    Thanks for the inspirational article. These a lot I’m currently dealing with. One of the major areas affected was my confidence. A certain experiences made me feel worthless. I was always made to feel that I was irritating because i am the way I am. I know I’m going to be okay. Your always an inspiration to me. Thank you. An thank you for affirming that being who you are is the best thing in the world. Thank you Tamera!!

  • Noelani

    Tamera! This post was right on time . Having Faith in God and honing your gifts go a long way. I am in my late 20s and just started owning my gifts and being content with self . I write inspirational articles using God’s word and my personal experiences to Encourage and share with others . Please check it out and share if you can Blessings ❤️

  • Betty

    Great post Tamera, thanks for sharing and being transparent and Real, love to listen and watch you, you are shining as an example of a woman of God

  • Ina Turner

    Tamera! While confidence has many aspects!! Our looks, what we are wearing, If things are going well with us, something nice is said about us or to us, etc.
    While I do not discount the power of encouragement that comes from our feelings, or something nice being said to us/or about us!! But we know how
    fickle feelings can be ours and others!! and how feelings can fluctuate daily,
    therefore I do not put much confidence in my feelings.
    But I always come back to where my ultimate confidence come from! My love,
    My trust, My faith in an Unchanging God.
    So!! when I am needing a boost of confidence I look to my God who gives Strength, wisdom, peace, hope, courage, comfort and many more promises
    that is unchanging!! Therefore my confidence comes from “Who I am in Christ”.
    Homeschooling and teaching our kiddos the same!! Love God, trust God.

  • Latasha M. Taylor

    Hello Tamera,
    I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on self-confidence because I have struggled with it all of my life! My upbringing was very dysfunctional and I never had a support system in place. Since turning 42 and everyday seeing a gray hair appear I feel embarrassed for not feeling self-assured, a lack of self-esteem and confident. How do I begin building my self-confidence and creating a good support system. I really appreciate your honesty on this subject. God Bless. Latasha.

  • Ruth

    Thanks a lot, Tamera. God bless you for sharing this. :)

  • Asuun


  • Kacie

    I just absolutely cried reading this because this is so honest and I just want to thank you for sharing this. Confidence has always been a thing I will struggle with. I was adopted along with my biological sister and with her it was easy for people to compare. My sister is the tall, skinny and beautiful one where I on the other hand was known as the funny, cute one. As I always compared myself to my sister, the more depressed I had become. However, in your article I love how you state: “ once you embraced that you are your own biggest cheerleader and begun tapping into the individual gifts God has given you”. As soon as I read this my whole attitude changed, even though my sister will forever be known as the “ better looking one” I love myself anyways because 1. God created me to be fearfully and wonderfully made in his image and 2. I’m the only Kacie and I am going to love myself endlessly and appreciate that God gave me the gift to love other, be compassionate, be tender hearted, caring, and so on. I appreciate this article because it helped me dig the surface down and discover myself fully and gain a new boost of confidence! Thank you Tamera! Love you and all you do and your honesty! Don’t know where I’d be without your articles <3 love you TAM TAM!!

  • Grace Love

    What has helped my self confidence is reading the bible every day. I read one chapter a day and journal about what I have read. Knowing God loves me just as I am, remembering that he is with me eases my fear and reminds me that “with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

    Also, as women, much of our confidence depends on how we look but that isn’t important to God. “People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7 It is so important to grow in character, maturity and faith. Also, the older you get, the more you realize how much time you wasted on worrying about what other people think, your appearance, or other trivial things. Love yourself, practice gratitude and trust in God!

  • Dex

    Hey Tam, I have one question. Are you going to get back into acting? I miss your face in movies!

  • Judith Power

    You are probably a year or two younger than I am but we have so much in common. Being bi-racial is not always easy. I often feel like I do not fully fit in with those that are considered to be of the single races that I am mixed with. I have struggled with my identity for a very long time. There are some qualities and traits that I have that I attribute to being a mixture of the races from each one of my parents, which means I identify to some but not all of their cultural and social norms.

    So, where does that leave me? I come to the understanding that I am in a middle lane. Not all of either race but some of both. It used to really make me doubt myself. However, once I found Christ all of that changed. Now I identify, first, to being a child of God which has opened up a whole new confident world for me.

    I just wanted to thank you and congratulate you for being so strong as a bi-racial female but also for having an interracial marriage. You really are an inspiration for a lot of us. You may not realize it but you help make us feel like it is okay to be mixed. You have such a sweet personality and disposition. You are a blessing and I am glad that you are in the public eye because you present us with such a positive representation of all of us who are just like you. Keep up the good work because there are so many of us that respect and appreciate you.